UCRBF

I played nine holes this morning and was matched up with some uptight cart-riding ball fluffers (UCRBF). Allow me to explain.

Golf is a walking game, and although I am not anti-cart, I feel that walking is the best way around the course. It's better exercise, it keeps you loose, and you can better enjoy the surroundings. Admittedly, there are resort-style courses where riding is a necessity, but this is not the case at most places I play.

Secondly, I like to follow the rules of golf. Improving your lie (ball fluffing) is cheating. Improving your lie when you have a good lie to begin with is ridiculous.

Finally, being uptight, particularly about the pace of play, is annoying at best and can in extreme cases poison the universe.

There are, in fact, two distinct flavors of CRBFs: the uptight cart-riding ball fluffer (UCRBF), and the laid-back cart-riding ball fluffer (LBCRBF). I have no beef with the later, those who just want to ride around the course with their buddies and don't really care about their score. In a sense, I envy the LBCRBF's indifference toward an impending triple bogey. Ball under a tree? Just kick it out! Put me down for a five.

If you are a cart-riding ball fluffer, the following questions can help you determine which class of CRBF you fall into.

1) Must you point out every group of walkers on the course and exclaim (with a sigh) "We're behind a foursome of walkers, looks like a six hour round."

2) When you reach the green, do you simply knock the ball in the general vicinity of the hole, then walk over and pick it up for a self-conceded two putt? (Bonus points if you do so with a putter that cost more than $150.) When others are putting, do you instinctively stand two feet from the hole with the flag stick in hand and stare them down until they're finished?

3) Are you incapable of writing a number larger than six on your scorecard? After the round, do you ceremoniously declare your score as if it's legitimate, failing to mention the mulligans and gimmes?

If you answered yes to the above questions, you may have a problem with UCRBF-iness.